When you squeeze his paws he recites the entire 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep' in a little child's voice Nearly a foot high." Just let me know.MEDIA Corner. Perhaps you might like one of the Praying Teddies I have come across in my Bright Life mail-order catalogue: "This little kneeling friend will help your child learn a traditional first prayer. Nor have I yet tried rushing headlong at a boar and chasing it until it swerved off to the right" Thank you, Mr Mason I'm not sure I can get champagne to Amsterdam. And you say you don't want one of the 19 videos of the Royal golden wedding celebrations that I rescued from traitorous knock-down sale (99p indeed!) in a Windsor post office. He didn't tell me whether the boars have cottoned on to this.
Why is Mr Mason sharing this with us? That's right, it's the latest instalment of yet another fascinating long-running Moonlight series, What To Do On Encountering A Wild Animal! And the keeper in Santiago told Mr Mason that "should you be pursued by a wild boar, the best thing to do is to run in a straight line and then go off at a right-angle suddenly: the boar is supposed to carry on without swerving from its path. I didn't even know Tunbridge Wells was threatening to leave the Union Next!BOARS Wild ones Really wild Yes, those are they, in the picture. On!BBRRNNGG! And it's Ms Tributable, again! "Captain! Ian Paisley has been spotted in Tunbridge Wells!" I thank Ms Tributable for this and replace the receiver Things are clearly worse than we thought. I have, for example, come across the odd Spaniard pretending to be an Italian waiter. How much of this do you think is going on? How many real Italian waiters are there, exactly, out there? And are there Thai waiters, too, pretending to be Vietnamese? Chinese pretending to be Thai? Unsettling, I think you'll agree. "And what part of Italy," I asked, in my best visiting-royalty manner, "do you come from?" And he looked at me, curiously, and said: "Brazil." Nor, when I came to think about it, is it the first time this has happened to me.
Pleasant company, pleasant fare, and pleasant staff, who coped indulgently with my faltering attempts to thank them for the rigatoni - grazie tanto! - and with the interesting table habits of the young Moonbeams After lunch, as you do, I found myself in the loo One of the waiters was there, too. So there I was, in this rather pleasant Italian restaurant near Hampton Court. The most convincing explanation will be rewarded with a photocopy of the photocopy of a school play programme typed by the young Portillo (who also helped with the refreshments) which has found its way into the Captain's possession Steady Next! THOUGHT For The Week. I have been pondering on this since, but, frankly, I am not altogether sure just what it tells us about the Conservative Party's most famous semi-Spaniard Perhaps you can help. My name is Portillo - but if you write it backwards, it spells ollitroP.' " Hmmm. BBRRNNGG! Gracious, it's the telephone, already! What whisper will this be? What item of intelligence is about to be vouchsafed, innocuous and insignificant in itself, but when placed into the great jigsaw of life likely to set in train all manner of momentousness? Who, in short, is Calling The Captain? A wheezing cough, the Ladbroke Tannoy in the background: yes, it's my redoubtable political correspondent, Ms Una Tributable! "Captain, Michael Portillo! Did you know that when he was at school he entered a classroom of juniors and introduced himself thus: 'I am your form prefect.
[...]